The Unfortunate Case of the Independent Woman

Sneak Peak: Is it a bad thing to be independent? Let’s find out.

Hi friends! I’ll be traveling to Florida tomorrow, so this is a surprise blog! Let’s talk about the independent woman. First what is the definition of independent?  

Independent definitions:

1.     Not depending on another for livelihood or subsistence.

2.     Free from outside control; not depending on another's authority.

Mislabeled?

I’ve been called “independent” by several people in my life—lovers, family, and even friends. I always wore it proudly. I am fun, loving, supportive, and kind, but you best believe me, I’ll hop on a plane to Japan ASAP alone. The life I live now has a lot of freedom. So, why are Christian single women, like me, are struggling to find love?

We desire love. We want men to see us as women. We may be very feminine. Kind. Sweet. Supportive. However, due to our accomplishments, we’re shifted into the label of “independent”. You may be a woman like me, who’s lived on her own for many years, who went ahead and pursued two degrees, maybe picked up some

certifications, published an article, owned a business, or presented at conferences. You may be the woman who’s traveled around. What do you do with this?

Live Unapologetically

I am learning to live in my truth. God has blessed me with my seasons to give me the opportunity to get my degrees, to travel, to present at conferences, to be a young Black woman in the tech industry (which is very competitive, stressful, and hard to stay in), to work for FAANG/MAANG companies, and to start Authentically Brittany. You know, all of the good stuff. I can live freely in my truth because I know God called me into these things.

Not Everyone’s Cup of Tea

I am not everyone’s cup of tea. Neither will you. I am still learning to be okay with this. I sometimes (still) get hut when I’m rejected when a man asks me what I do for a living, or where I work. I sometimes (still) feel punished for being honest. Guess what? God wants us to be honest about who we are. If you ever feel the need to lie, or downplay yourself, please remember this:

The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy

(Proverbs 12:22) NLT.

The right man for me will know these things and say, “I’m proud of this woman. She still needs me in her life. Let me find out what it is.” The right man for you will say this to himself. He will seek the Lord to learn how to lead you. He wouldn’t see my accomplishments as a form of competition, or a lack of desire for him. Plus, I know I can’t compete with men. I don’t want to. I don’t desire to be a man—at all. I spoke to one of my friend’s this morning who is going through the same season as me. She reminded me:

“God is in control and already knows who our man is…He made him for us.”

Honor God in EVERYTHING

All of the opportunities in your life were given to you by God. He can also take them away from you (Job 1:21). I’ve known people (including myself) who got too cocky and God took things away to teach them some humility. Overtime, I had to learn to become humble. If you ask me how I got to where I was today, I always start off by saying, “Honestly, God blessed me.”

Pay it Forward

As Christians, we’re called to give generously without grudges (Deuteronomy 15:10-11). I became a mentor to other women who wanted to tap into the tech world. I’ve reviewed resumes, helped them with cover letters, interviews, and got them seats at the table. I am always happy to hear their success stories, and honestly, it feels good to give back.

Become Interdependent

One thing I wanted to change in 2024 was removing the “independent” label in my life. I’ve come to terms that I want to become interdependent. Interdependence is “the dependence of two or more people or things on each other.” The reality is, we need fellowship. We need people. None of us got to where we are today alone. God sent people along our paths to get us where need to be. This #selfmade culture is false. Nobody does anything on their own. At some point, we had a mentor, a classmate, a relative, a pastor, or a friend, who kept us on the right path.

I’m learning how to build a community of sisterhood in my Christian circles. We all come to each other for advice, counsel, and good laughs. I am becoming a better friend to my friends. I am there for them and they are there for me. We uplift each other during the bad times, and we celebrate our wins during the good times.

I am becoming a better daughter. I’ve rebuilt an amazing relationship with my mom (she will tell you it has been work—hi, mom). We are closer than ever. We talk on the phone daily. I let her visit my place for longer periods (she knows I struggle with my space).

I am becoming a better sister. My brother and I have had our ups and downs, but now, we are learning to build a true relationship based on who we are now as adults. I’ve reconnected with my sisters, five years later, after I left my hometown. I even call my grandma more often and we share laughs.

The unfortunate case of the independent woman is real. As Christian women, we should be interdependent. There’s nothing wrong with having goals, achievements, and accolades. Just remember that God gives you these things and a village to help support you along the way.

What do you think? Do people label you as an independent woman? Do you feel mislabeled, or you believe you are an independent woman? How do you feel about interdependence?  I’d love to learn more in the comments. Keep it positive, pure, and Biblical.

FYI: The link in this blog is not a sponsorship and they didn’t pay me.