Friendship 103: Types of Friends

Sneak Peak: There are levels to friendship.

I usually start off with a story, but in this blog, I’m just going to jump right into it. Your friends won’t meet you every need. That’s what God is for. If you’re want your friends to be perfect (i.e., God), then you will end up disappointed every time. Friendship comes with quirks, nuances, and caveats. There are friends you should keep (they help build you) and shouldn’t keep (they help tear you down). However, your friend isn’t always a bad friend because they’re not what you want them to be. Let’s explore the types of friendships: The Fun Friend, The Colleague, and The Sister by looking at Jesus’s disciples.

The Fun Friend

Fun Friends are there for a good time.

The Fun Friend is there “in the moment”. Once the moment is over, the friendship is over. Usually, Fun Friends are there for the good times, the dinners, the happy hours, etc. When times are tough, they try to be there but can’t (more on this) or they rather not be there. A good example of a Fun Friend is Judas Iscariot. Jesus knew Judas was a shady friend, but He kept him as a friend (it was a part of the plan for Him to die for us). Judas claimed to be #TeamJesus. He was there for the fun. Jesus, on the other hand, knew that Judas was there for a good time, not a long time.

During The Last Supper (Matthew 26:17-20), Jesus flat out told Judas that one of them would betray him. “…Truly I tell you, one of you will betray me” (Matthew 26:20). Judas asked, “Surely you don’t mean me, Rabbi?” (Matthew 26:25). Uhm, yes, you! Anyway, Judas still participated in the dinner after saying that. He was in it for the fun. Guess what happened later? Yep. Judas betrayed him for 30 pieces of silver. This would be around $90 USD to $500 USD dollars today. Some say it would’ve been $264.60 today. (Matthew 26:14-16; Luke 22:47). If Jesus was here today, He’d probably describe Judas as this: “Judas was there for a good time—not a long time.”

How to Handle Fun Friends

Fun Friends have their perks. They are fun to be around. Usually, they don’t bring any drama to events (unless you have a hater in your circle—that’s for another blog). I’ve learned, from experience, that I couldn’t have deep conversations about God, my life struggles, etc. with them. It’s not because I wanted to but it’s because I had to see them for who they were. You may have noticed when you tried to be intimate (at an appropriate time), they pushed it away. Maybe they don’t have the emotional or spiritual maturity yet. I used to be frustrated with my “fun friends” until. I realized this: friendship is a part of accepting people for who they are. Remember how I said your friends won’t meet your every need? Accept your “fun friend” as that. Invite them to birthdays, holiday dinners, girls’ nights, brunches, gift exchanges, etc. The key with these friends is to keep it light and have little expectations from them.

The Colleague

Colleagues are your work friends.

The Colleague is a friend whom you share common activities, groups, or organizations with. When one of you leaves, the friendship is over. A good example are your actual colleagues from work. Some of us don’t believe in making friends at work. I’m not opposed to it (under certain circumstances). When someone leaves work, people promise to keep in touch, to remain friends, but usually it fades away. Let’s look into another disciple: Thomas.

What happened to “Doubting Thomas”? Thomas believed once Jesus died, the discipleship was no more. Even when the other disciples came to him and said they saw Jesus, he still doubted. ““Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe” (John 20:24). Thomas is the modern day “pics or it didn’t happen”. Jokes aside, Jesus probably would’ve described Thomas as this: “He was an amazing colleague but when I left, he moved on.”

How to Handle Colleagues

My first rule for colleagues is to pick your colleagues wisely. Not everyone is meant to be a colleague and help you get where you need to go. Second thing is to remember that you two became fiends because you both had a common ground. This doesn’t mean you need to think that you two will never be friends down the road. It can happen. Just expect the friendship that was once close to fizzle out once one of you, or both of you, leave the organization/group. Enjoy your time working on projects, planning activities, or enjoying hobbies with them while you two are together.

The Sister

Sisterhoods do exist. Don't give up on finding yours.

The Sister is a friend who you can get close to. You can share secrets and things in private. You both trust that things won’t leave the room. You will not meet many people like this today. We live in a society that is becoming self-centered by day and less private by night. We expose everything for our own benefit. However, sisterhoods do exist. Although not a woman, Peter resembled an example of a brotherhood with Jesus.

In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus only took Peter and the sons of Zebedee (James and John) to go with him (Matthew 26:36-38). Jesus prayed to God for a bit, but he returned and found the disciples sleeping. He asked Peter, “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” There were three men in the garden. Why did he call Peter out? Jesus held Peter to a high regard. Peter was his closest friend in a timely hour. Although Peter slipped up by denying Jesus (Luke 22:54-62), he ended up being one of the apostles to continue spreading the gospel.

How to Handle Sisters

First, your sisters will slip up, and so will you. Peter slipped up by denying Jesus. Your sisters will drop the ball. Don’t put a lot of pressure on your sisters to be your everything. This will burn them out overtime and resentment will brew. If you rely on your sisters to be your everything, and you have inability to self-regulate, then this is signaling attachment issues on your end. I’m a big supporter of mental health. I suggest seeking counseling, reading books, or watching YouTube videos about attachment theory.

With your sisters, both will experience life changes where one of you may not be as available to hang out, chat on the phone, or FaceTime. This is why I said to not rely on them to be you everything. This doesn’t invalidate the friendship. Despite life changes, you two know if there’s a serious situation, you both will do the best to be there and show sisterly love to each other.

In the final blog for this series, we will discuss if it’s time for your friendship to breakup, or be demoted, and how to do it in a God honoring way. You don’t want to miss it! Until next time!