Dear Black Women

Sneak Peak: Proving that you're not "like the others" isn't the answer.

Here we go again...

Here we go again. That's what I thought while I was taking an Uber to a museum. Unfortunately, I'm too familiar with the negative stereotypes. Loud. Overweight. Angry. Bitter. Sexual. Bossy. If not stereotypes, it's the opposite of being treated as a fetish for my curly hair, light skin, and/or "you look so exotic". Some days, I can shrug it off. Other days, I just think about how odd people can be.

The man who drove me took an interest in me. I decided to be friendly since I was stuck in the car for a bit. We began discussing food. Who doesn't like food? Then, he rambled about how I am "wifey material" because I can cook.

He then said to me, "You know, I usually try to avoid African-American women. Just the attitudes and being rude. Ya know? It's too much for me." I was perplexed. How did we go from discussing food to negative stereotypes? I didn't respond back to him. Then, he went up a notch and said how "my people" are violent and like to abuse men.

I'll admit it. I started to get upset by his comments. At the same time, I had to remind myself: "It is not your job to make someone be a decent human. It is also not your job to prove yourself to someone who doesn't value you."

Dear Black Women

The media hasn't done us justice. People who like you may say hurtful things. Your work places may have been unsafe. Heck, your family probably has, too. I know it hurts. I want to remind you that you are a queen. Walk like a queen from your Heavenly Father and let me tell you how to handle any situation like this and win. Remember, proving energy is exhausting, and who has time for that?

How to Be a Queen

1. Accept (and expect) that people will judge you based on your ethnic background and your skin tone. I wish we didn't do this. However, God says it Himself. We judged based on appearances. God looks in our hearts (1 Samuel 16:7). Think of all the ways you can be stereotyped. You cannot avoid it.

2. It is okay to feel exhausted, drained, frustrated, annoyed, hurt. Feel those emotions and give them to God (Isaiah 41:10). Don't walk around with these feelings. Why? They can turn you into a bitter person and you will spread your bitterness around.

3. Don't stoop to their level. Be better. You are not meant to be conformed to this world. When you decided to follow Jesus, the old you dies. You can't tit-for-tat all the time. Fighting back, if anything, proves their point further (Romans 12:2).

4. Distance yourself from people who are a LOT (toxic). It is not your job to change people, their views, or opinions. My pastor, Tim Rivers (Embassy City Church in Irving, TX), has a sermon about this. I recommend you check it out. Click here to see the sermon. In this case, distance yourself from toxic people who spit out hateful stereotypes, or even "positive" ones that are well-meaning, but they really aren't (Matthew 10:23).

5. You don't have to prove anything. Look, I get it. Black women are tired of being told to put up and shut up. Let me tell you something. I used to fight back when people said things to me. I tried to act different to be accepted. Guess what? I exhausted myself. Why? I was proving my worth to people who didn't want to see me for me. Instead, I should've focused on knowing my worth in Christ. When you are secure in your identity with the Lord, you don't need to prove anything. When you are in sync with God, focused on pleasing Him, He changes you into what He wants you to be. Then, the right people will align with you. (1 Thessalonians 2:4).

6. Be silent. Hush. Let them have their moment. No seriously, sometimes, you need to let people expose themselves. It's better to let them just speak (James 1:19) (1 Peter 3:10).

7. Find people who love you as Christ made you. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. Find people who are willing to get to know you. Find people who you can be with and not prove your worthiness to. It may awhile, but once you surround yourself with good company, you will feel rested (1 Corinthians 15:33).

8. Forgive them. I know. I know. Forgive. It doesn't mean you will forget. You forgive them. Why? So you can move on with life. Really think about it. Why waste your energy with energy suckers? When you see it that way, honestly, you should feel sorry for them. Hurt people hurt people. From my experience, when stereotypes were thrown onto me, usually the person was hurting and didn't address their hurt, so they placed it onto me (to heal them or to make themselves feel better). They really don't know what they are doing (Luke 23:34).

How do you overcome negative stereotypes? What advice can you share with someone? I'd love to know in the comments. Remember, keep it clean. Keep it in truth. Keep it positive.

-Brittany