Sneak Peak: We’ve been unloving these days. Let’s do the opposite.
While I was in Morocco, I decided to see the Sahara Desert—alone. Yes, alone. I know. I know. Why on earthwould you go to the Sahara Desert alone—in Morocco?! What’s funny is our tour operator (let’s call him Malik) asked me the same question. I walked out of my riad with my travel backpack.
“So, where’s your husband?” He asked me.
“It’s just me.” I replied.
“Just you?” His eyes jumped.
The Journey of Unpacking Biases
Since I was a solo dolo, Malik paid special attention to me. He let me sit in the front, asked me about the temperature with the A/C, and even checked on me when I sat alone sometimes (I was vlogging.)
We took a hike along the way. Y’all, it was hot! It was around 37.7°C or 100°F (to the Americans reading this). I climbed to the top (out of breath) but Malik always checked on me. Some of the people on the tour with me thought I was odd for coming alone. While climbing back down the uneven rocks, I almost fell, and Malik caught me. I’m not joking.
While we were driving, Malik asked us to play some music from each country. I decided to play amapiano (I’m a huge fan.) No, it’s not from my country, but the U.S. is multicultural. He said,
“This isn’t American music!”
I asked, “What’s American music?”
“Country!” he replied.
Two Australian women, I called them “The Aussie Girls”, said to me, “Her music is “Juju on That Beat”.” “So Black people just listen to rap, huh?” I asked, sarcasticallly.
During lunch time, we sat together at the table (there was a French couple but they didn’t speak English much, so I tried my best to include them using Google translate). The Aussie Girls asked me, “How’s life in America and being a Black-American? We really don’t know anything about your culture.” The conversation led to us having commonalities about dating as women but we also shared out differences. For example, in Australia young adults are encouraged to self-explore first then go to school. Gap years are normal. In U.S. culture, this isn’t encouraged as much. You either went to college, trade school, or went straight to work.
We stayed at a hotel that was an hour from the desert. There, I met two native Floridians from Tampa. Let’s call them Dan and Billy. I was sitting alone and texting my mom with updates. They were sitting across from me and they asked me how my day was. I shared how I was thankful to have a small group in an A/C SUV. Dan and Billy shared their group had 18 people in a small bus and the A/C was broken.
Billy asked me where I was from and where I live now. When I mentioned I lived in Seattle for a couple of years, Dan and Billy asked me how could I survive in a “ruined liberal city”. I paused for a minute and tried to control myself. They also asked me about defunding the police and suggested it was wrong because we need the police to protect us and “not all cops are bad”. Brittany…breathe. I told myself.
Let me share a little about myself, I find it really hard to associate with people who think multiculturalism and holding policemen accountable is wrong. I find it hard because there’s so much information online but people refuse to educate themselves. I said to them, “Actually, my life was pretty okay. While I was there, I advocated for spaces to protect my people and I did work in the community with my church to help homelessness. I also became friends with Asians, Arabs, Africans, and some whites, too. Does that answer your question?” I was about to leave my seat because I felt like the conversation was turning into Trump vs. Kamala.
Dan asked me, “So did you come alone? Where’s your husband? Are you married?”
“Yes, I am alone. No, I’m not married.” “
Wow, that’s impressive. Do you travel a lot? What do you do for work?”
They commended me for my bravery of coming out alone to the desert and how I’m “doing well for myself”, which surprised them. The next morning, Dan and Billy found me sitting alone for breakfast. What they didn’t know was earlier, I met a group of people who singled me out for being a Floridian and how they felt it was “random for an American, especially a Floridian, to travel somewhere” and “I must be crazy because Florida Man”. I said to them, “I find it weird that you felt justified to single out where I’m from and make an assumption about me. Maybe you should check yourself and ask yourself why.” This is what led to me sitting alone.
Dan and Billy asked I was okay and I told them I was fine. Turns out, we were sharing the luxury camp together. Before we went to the night festivities, Dan and Billy told me that they got an offer to ride through the desert tomorrow and asked if I wanted to come (mostly to avoid being sore again). I joined them. The next day, Dan, Billy, and I rode through the desert and it was fun! It also felt amazing to put aside the politics and just have a good time. This didn’t mean we were friends but just showing kindness to one another. After we returned to the main site, the anti-Florida mob came and apologized to me.
Show Love
The trip in Morocco taught me a lot. We all have biases. While I’m here in the U.S., (until the wind blows me wherever), I took my mother’s advice from Bible study. First, we don’t know why God allowed things to happen. It did and it’s part of His plan. Second, you are not alone. I’m struggling day to day existing in the U.S. right now. My mental health is not at its best. Third, division is a distraction from our goal: honoring God with our actions. When we are all divided, we can’t show love to each other. My aunt shared she’s dealt with racism in her neighborhood but she’s shown love to them instead of hatred. We ALL can strive to honor God in our thoughts, actions, and beliefs. We can show love to others who aren’t like us. Their words stuck to me and this is why: love and acceptance aren’t the same thing.
Love ≠ Acceptance
First, what is acceptance? Acceptance is welcoming someone into a group but acknowledging they’re different. Dan, Billy, and I accepted each other but acknowledged, politically, we don’t align. We were kind to each other but we acknowledged that we’re too different to associate in the same circles. That’s okay because God made us all unique and we’re not mean to click with everyone. The second definition of acceptance means approving something. You can also show love and not accept someone’s behavior.
What is Love?
What is love? People think in order to love someone, you have to accept their behavior. This is what culture tells us. “Ride or die”, “struggle love”—that is NOT love. You can love someone but not accept that they cheated, lied, cursed you out, or ghosted you. My mother loves me but she doesn’t always accept things that I do. My friends love me but they don’t accept my viewpoints.
You can show love to someone and not accept their views*. Shocker, right?! People have a right to believe what they want. This doesn’t mean, as Christians, we have to stop being loving. Honestly, we NEED to show more love than what we’re doing right now, especially in the U.S. I feel like we’re doing the opposite as a body. We are being unloving. I’ll leave it at that. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 tells us what love is:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
This means love is:
o Patient (endure hardship, long-suffering, patiently without complaint)
o Kind (friendly--considerate, generous, polite, say hi; note: kindness isn’t friendship (seek them out, genuine interest, building a tight bond)
o Not envious (resentful or aroused by someone’s possessions, attributes, views, or qualities)
o Boastful or proud (Excessive pride in one’s achievements, possession, attributes, or abilities, views)
o Not dishonoring others (offensive, impolite, cheeky, crash, graceless)
o Not self-seeking (having concern for one’s own interest and welfare before others)
o Not easily angered (provoked, stimulate negativity)
o Not evil (immoral, wicked, favoritism, bias, unfairness)
o It’s truth (reality, what’s in front of us)
Can I be honest? It’s been hard to show love, especially to people who look like me and knowingly swung the other way (they know who they are.) So far, I know that I can show love to people, even blacks who may not think like me. It's been hard to also be around people who think I'm hateful because I'm a Christian. The hate is coming from both sides (far-left and far-right.) What I'm learning is that I can not accept people into my life as a friend and set boundaries on who I choose to associate with. That’s my advice for you: be loving, have boundaries, and protect your peace. If you choose to be friends with the opposite political spectrum, God bless you. If you’re choosing to date (or are currently married to) someone? Whew, God bless you! Married folks who are reading this, this doesn’t justify divorce. Sorry. Check out Matthew 5:31-32.
How Can I Show Love?
The best way to illustrate this is a table of what is and what isn’t love based on behaviors.
Trait | Love | Love is NOT |
Patient | Listen to someone’s perspective as to why they believe or feel a certain way. | Storming off, cutting people off, cursing people out, name-calling, ghosting, etc. |
Kind | Being polite. Say hi. Respect someone’s viewpoints. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. | Disrespecting them, cursing them out, mocking, ridicule, etc. |
Not Envious | You can be content with your viewpoints, not feel the need to resent someone for theirs, or the desire to convince them. | Trying to control someone, change their view points or resent them because of their views. |
Not Boastful | You can be open to hearing another perspective and hear what they have to say. You may learn something new. | Trying to tell them they’re wrong and your way of thinking is right and the only acceptable way. |
Not Dishonoring | You can hear what people have to say without being rude, slandering, or gossiping. This also includes social media. | Bullying people, slandering, gossiping, commenting harsh things online, resharing with the goal to spread hatred.
|
Not Self-Seeking | You can have empathy and care for others around you, even for people who are affected by policy changes (and those who are not).
| Choosing to serve your own interest, at the expense others. Having a lack of empathy. Refusing to help those around you. |
Not Easily Angered | See kindness. You can cool off if you need to or decide to leave conversations that stir up anger on purpose. You can also post things that are positive and advocate change. | Starting anger, hatred, causing strife to those among you. Posting things online to trigger anger. |
Not Evil | You can make decisions to have high morals, not show favoritism to others, unpack your biases, and treat people fairly. | Choosing to act immorally, wicked, showing favoritism, spreading prejudices, or racism, and promoting unfairness. |
Rejoices in Truth | Accepting reality in front of us, not conspiracy theories or false information online and in person. | Falling for conspiracy theories, misinformation online, spreading strife, false information, etc. |
How many of us have been guilty for the second column? I have. Despite my views of the world, I have to show love to people first. This is what God tells me. I challenge you today to unplug from social media, the news, go outside, and display God’s love to those around you. Pray with immigrants. Say hi to the LGTBQ person at work. Help a single mother or the pregnant woman with their groceries. Check on your black friends, even the swing voters. Show love to white people (like my aunt did).
Breathe. Okay, until next time!
-Brittany
*NOTE: I do not condone racism, bigotry, sexism, hatred and/or hate groups by any means necessary and you shouldn’t associate with people who are associated with this. This is the OPPOSITE of Christianity.
